The History of The Oracle Temple of the Magic Chicken


Once upon a time the fate of mankind was predestined and Oracles were employed to reveal the future.

During the expansion of the Roman Empire the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken was consulted before every battle. A consecrated offering of holy grain, water, wine, etc. was made to the Oracle, if the offering was accepted by the Magic Chicken victory was assured, but if the offering was not accepted by the Magic Chicken defeat was imminent and the Romans would make a hasty retreat to fight another day. Thus the mighty Roman Empire was built.

The down fall of the Roman Empire can be traced to a decisive naval battle in 323. The Roman fleet was heading into battle and as usual the Roman Admiral was preparing to seek the prognostication of the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken. The Admiral gasped as he reached into the empty urn of sacred grain and remembered what that other thing was, which he had forgotten to procure before sailing.

Unfortunately, the chalice of consecrated wine had been drunk the day before by the former Imperial guard of the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken on a dare from one of the Visigoth oarsmen. Suddenly the Admiral wished he hadn’t made that last round of honey mead and holy water cocktails the night before.

Thinking fast the Admiral gets some grain from the galley, assuring himself that the Magic Chicken wouldn’t know the difference, and makes an offering to the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken, “Accept this offering.” He waits with head bowed for the Magic Chicken...... nothing happens.

The Roman fleet is near the point of no return. The Admiral is getting anxious and once again makes an offering, “Accept this offering.”......... Nothing happens.

Flaming arrows land on the deck of the ship and the Admiral starts to lose his temper. He yells at the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken and throws the remaining grain at it, “This is it Magic Chicken! This is getting serious! You better get your magic butt out here or else!”

Nothing happens.

The now psycho Admiral grabs the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken, picks it up and starts trying to shake the Magic Chicken out, “OK Magic Chicken! You want my prediction? Magic Chicken dies!!!”

He heaves the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken overboard and as it hits the water a horrific storm comes up and sinks all the ships.

The Roman Empire was doomed. If only the Admiral had heeded the encryption on the Oracle Temple of The Magic Chicken, DONUS MESSUS MAGI POULLE (DON’T MESS WITH THE MAGIC CHICKEN).